Overall Thoughts (Meagan Adler)

After concluding our class discussions on the novel, I was intrigued by the analytically complex ideas that we discussed and think that it was worth reading, for it challenged me academically and developed my analytical approach in dissecting literature.  I strongly feel that without discussing the novel in class I would not have had as great of an appreciation for it.  I was particularly compelled by the idea of us trying to find an answer in an infinite universe where no true answers exist; we crave the boundaries so that we can have some sort of closure and wall to prevent us from seeing the infinite universe and questioning our existence.  Furthermore, this wall that we need represents what is socially defined as logical and rational; it guides us through our everyday lives.  However, we constantly feel the need to go against this rationale in order to insure our individuality and free will in an infinite universe that ultimately controls us.  Today's somewhat controversial discussion was particularly interesting; although I understand that we all have deep thoughts that we keep a secret from ourselves, it's hard for me to fully accept it because it involves relating to those who are what society defines as insane.  I agree that we have “hundreds of reminiscences; but at times some one stands out from the hundred and oppresses" us (pg.28), but  I feel like it is disgusting to try to associate with those who listen to these deep thoughts and therefore I personally cannot fully accept what we discussed in class.  I understand it but cannot and will not fully accept it.  I was analytically challenged by today's discussion and I was somewhat unsettled by it but at the same time appreciate it, for it helps me better comprehend part II of the novel. The narrator has this strong desire to belong to the people in which he criticizes and hates and despises himself for having this dark desire.  By the conclusion of the novel, the narrator finds a sense of love and belongingness but fails to see it; I find the ironic idea that the narrator is a genius and an idiot at the same time particularly compelling.  Furthermore, I think that the narrator is so contained within his mind that he is unable to see beyond each minute detail and accept the big picture.  His “underground hole" (pg.25) gives him a sense of safety; ultimately, the narrator can never be with anyone else or fully love them because he cannot accept any person that tries to find meaning in an infinite universe where no true meaning exists.