Past versus present

The narrator tells us about his youth, which shows some of the same character traits as he has now. It shows how some things do not change, but other traits develop. He is anti-social and depressed both in his youth, as well as at the age of forty. I noticed a difference though in his confidence. In the first part of the novel he was confident in his actions and the ideas he has. At a younger age, it is natural to have less confidence, but he will not even look at his coworkers in the eye. I think this shows a very interesting change in him. This change occurs due to his need for revenge instead of challenge. This shows how he is not going to confront the officer, due to humiliation, but find a different approach. He then feels shame. This makes me confused about the narrator. I somewhat feel bad for him, but I really do not understand him.