Pain

                I would like to talk about the idea of his illness and the fact that he allows himself to feel the pain because he feels alive. As morbid as it is, I do agree, though, I do have some speculation that it could be something else. I wonder if he wants his illness to progress because he wishes to die; after all, he seems to have a low enough self-worth to actually feel the will to live. I also must consider that his life is incredibly depressing, so he must have every right to feel that way. But, that would mean that the narrator has a weak personality, which I do not believe. Though a low self-esteem usually comes hand in hand with that sort of debility, he seems to fluctuate between feeling powerful to feeling like dirt. His acquaintances do not remedy his self-hatred, either. So what does it mean? Does he wish to die, or does he like feeling pain because he likes knowing he is still alive? Perhaps it makes him feel human, but if he were not “human” would that mean he would not feel pain? I do not think so.