"Perhaps I really regard myself as an intelligent man only because throughout my entire life I've never been able to start or finish anything” (Alexia Barrios)

Originally I was frustrated with the nonsensical rambling that seemed to spill out of this nameless characters mouth. Since I have now read a little bit more of the novel, I have found this form of free association to be very informing about the narrator himself. Personally, I find him to be a masochist and even possibly a sadist. I first noticed this in last nights reading, as he continually referred to the tremors and the pain caused by his heightened consciousness and how he enjoys the pain that it causes. This becomes more evident when he later discusses how a man can find pleasure in a toothache and how it is the only pleasure a truly developed man can attain.  He not only derives pleasure from his own pain, but also from his own humiliation. The narrator seems to care a great deal about how others perceive him, and is ashamed of his heightened consciousness, labels as his “disease”, but he also takes pride in this.

I also enjoy this form of writing as it oddly exposes what this narrator is trying to express. When first trying to understand his writing it seems like none of this makes sense, but not only does it make sense but also what he is saying is very intelligent and thought provoking. One of my favorite quotes from this reading was, "Perhaps I really regard myself as an intelligent man only because throughout my entire life I've never been able to start or finish anything” and after reading it several times I was able to somewhat discern what he was attempting to convey. Intelligent people are indecisive, which is why he can regard himself as one because he is as well. In order to complete something one must be entirely committed to it from beginning to end, but when cursed with indecisiveness, this is not possible.